Exactly one week ago we returned from a wonderful trip in the Canadian Rockies, Glacier National Park and other fantastic places. Had things been normal I would have now sat down and tell you about beautiful places and awe-inspiring nature attractions. Sadly, though, things are anything but normal and my capacity for escapism is fairly limited these days. The gloom and doom from Lebanon and northern Israel fills every corner of our mental state, as is probably the case with every Israeli citizen, no matter where they live. I hope to eventually write about our travels, but for the time being I'll focus on conveying my feelings and opinions in light of the awful reality in the Middle East.
This whole mess started a couple of days before we embarked on our vacation. Indeed a weird timing to set on vacation, but it was all planned long ago, and besides we all hoped then that this was going to be a short, limited and successful operation, nothing like what this war has evolved into. While traveling, our updates relied mostly on intermittent phone calls to Israel and occasional internet caf? updates, so we were somewhat detached. However, since coming back to Pittsburgh, with internet access 24/7, I find it very hard to concentrate on mundane things like my job, and mentally I'm almost fully absorbed by the events back home in Israel. My general feeling is that during such a crisis, living abroad and far away is even harder on me than living in Israel. Whereas in central Israel running normal life is sort of a mission, doing so in Pittsburgh feels awkward and makes me feel guilty.
I hate to politicize this medium, but I think I should express my opinion this time. For those of you who don't know, my traditional tendency is to the political left. Looking back I have always voted for the Labor party, sometimes considering alternatives which are more left-winged. My opinions about Gaza and the West Bank are strict - we shouldn't be there, for our own sake. However, this war is something totally different. As I see it (along with the vast majority of Israel's citizens) it was forced on us, and we should feel no guilt for fighting hard to guarantee our existence. Furthermore, I clearly see it as a proxy war for the US and western civilization in general. This is one of the frontiers in the war the fundamentalist Islam is waging on the West, and we're unfortunate to take the heat. I found no better way for putting it than an excellent article by Ben Caspit (Hebrew: http://www.nrg.co.il/online/1/ART1/457/134.html, English: http://www.nrg.co.il/online/1/ART1/457/743.html). This article expresses EXACTLY what I think.
However, being just and feeling no guilt do not necessarily alleviate the pain and concern. On top of the collective pain, I guess that each of us has loved-ones who are in harm's way. For me, it's first and foremost my brother, Matan, who was called by the army and is now serving in Lebanon. Anat's sister, Hilla, had to leave her home in Haifa with her family and move to a safer place. My parents in Binyamina are within the reach of the long-range missile that fell near Hadera. My aunt Michal, my cousins and their families live northern to bombed Haifa, spending much of their time in shelters. I must say that I still find it unfathomable that a huge part of Israel is under constant attacks! I must also say that through the media I get the impression that Tel-Aviv is too detached from what's going on in the northern Israel, in a way that makes people in the north feel neglected, but that is another story, for another time.
It didn't come to me as a surprise, but this nasty war clarifies to me how Israeli I am. One could claim that even on a daily basis much of what I do is Israel-oriented, such as the music in my car CD ("Behind the Tunes" this morning), the language I speak etc. But obviously, my Israeliness is accentuated these days; it's very deep in my cultural origins. I'll give a sentimental example - I read yesterday about another soldier who lost his life in Lebanon, and he lived in Kibbutz Beit-Hashita. Immediately, my mind wandered to the famous song "The Wheat Keeps Growing" which was written after the Kibbutz lost 11 of its men in 1973. When I then read the song words in one of the talkbacks I literally shivered, tears filling my eyes. And this is only one of many examples. The thought that this kind of an ethos could be something of the past is probably indeed an illusion, and we have to admit that we'll forever live on the sword, at least periodically. And in my opinion, the implications are far more significant than the death toll we pay in such an episode. It will greatly affect resource allocation inside Israel, budgets being given back to military purposes rather than to elderly people, handicapped, education, welfare, health etc. It will emphasize and sharpen the violent aspect of our society and culture - just have a look at talkbacks in web sites (and if you say they are to be ignored I disagree, they are an important way for people to express what they feel). It will enlarge the gap between affluent and poor people, the focus of the public being brought back solely to national security. It will restore and strengthen the inherent chauvinism of a military society, where women need to be protected by hero macho soldiers (as you might have guessed this one bothers me a lot). I'm fairly pessimistic about all these issues: all the problems for which we were hoping to see some solution in the future will only aggravate, I'm afraid. Very depressing.
As an aside, we were on a ferry back to Seattle with our friends Ron and Lisa, when the newspapers shouted about Haifa being bombed, with many casualties. They also showed graphically, to a certain extent, what you get when a war is going on. And Noga saw the paper... The rain of painfully sharp and clear questions typical for my bright and curious 6 year old daughter caught me off-guard (almost all citations below are things she asked word-by-word): Why was the baby in the photo injured? Did people die in Israel? Did someone in our family die? Did people die in Lebanon? More people died in Lebanon?! Yeah! [answer: not quite, we're not happy when people die] But then how do you know who wins if not by how many people died? Why do wars start? But when Hadas and I disagree upon something we don't open a war!
And so on and so forth. I was so unprepared for such a situation, that I'm afraid I provided many more details than I would have otherwise, eventually putting a stop to this chain so that her dreams won't ruin her night's sleep. But really, how can you explain a war to her?! I couldn't.
I'd also like to further explain why it's so hard on me living here at such times. Whereas in Israel these events are in the minds of everybody, this is obviously not the case here. For most of the people around me, this is at most an ongoing news issue, a sad thing happening on the other side of the world. For some of them it's not even that. I guess some people would even blame me for belonging to the evil side, although I didn't experience any such encounters personally. Ultimately, though, the concern and pain which are filling my days are not shared by the people around me, and it feels very much like running dual lives. Interestingly, as we don't receive any of the national news TV channels at home (CNN, Sky etc.) my exposure is only through the web, mostly Israeli sites and internet-TV. That is, I cannot even say anything about the way this situation is perceived in the US media. Not that I'm sure this is a bad thing for me...
I'll conclude by wishing us all happier and quieter times,
Giora
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