So we’re back in
Some past feedback hinted that my writing tends to be too optimistic. Thus, in this post I chose to emphasize our difficulties. Starting one’s life in a new place is never easy, let alone when kids are involved. Indeed, after a too-good-to-be-true beginning for all three girls, we started running into various bumps.
With Maayan, we had more than a week of crying in the mornings, breaking my heart each and every time. Happily, a couple days ago she got to the point where she has started staying at her daycare without shedding a tear.
Hadas became, almost immediately, an integral part of her kindergarten class. However, she is still encountering many difficulties in adjusting to the new environment, and her behavior, mainly at home, certainly reflects them.
Noga, a new kid among a group of kids who’ve been together for two years, is having the hardest time. She feels fairly lonely at school, a situation she never had to face in such intensity. Astonishingly she’s seemingly pretty happy most of the time, but once she lets out her feelings, it’s evident that she’s not. I can’t tell you how sad (and tearful) it makes me to see her struggling. How helpless I feel as a parent, knowing that I have little ability to make her social reality a more pleasant one. I trust her social skills, and I’m certain that she’ll find her place sooner rather than later, but the way there is tough, both for her and for me.
The security guard in the custom offices immediately recognized us as returning residents, saying “you’re STILL smiling...”. Jokes aside, we quickly realized that people on the street rarely smile.
The urban areas are amazingly ugly. No milder way to put it. It’s in everything – the patchy buildings, the black oily stains on roads and pavements, the ad-hoc signs, the total lack of urban planning.
The notorious Israeli tendency to disregard the law has deep influence on one’s daily quality of life. The pavement, theoretically for pedestrians, is frequently occupied by parking cars (just try walking with a baby stroller...). Dog poop is on every corner.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of good things about living here, both objectively and specifically for us (being close to our families, to name one). I’d say that all in all we’re doing OK, despite the above.
Hugs and kisses,
Giora
1 comment:
Dear Giora and Anat,
You can not imagine how I deeply understand what you are going through. We are actually going through the same thing here in Lisbon... Giuseppe is having a harder time to adapt than I had anticipated. It's a new school, new friends, a new language, even for a 2 year old. He still cries every morning (making me blame myself for putting him through such a misery...). The teachers say he is a little frustrated with not being able to understand the other kids and that they don't get what he is saying, which annoys him. Nevertheless, after 2 weeks he is already following some instructions in portuguese. Hopefully, in a month or two, things will be better for him at school...
He also started having trouble to fall asleep and waking sometimes during the night and having nightmares. It's just a phase, I know, but while it lasts...it's painful for him and us.
As for going back to your home country, it's really difficult. It's the second time for me, so I do have some experience from the first one. The research says you take an average of 6 months to re-adapt to your own culture. When I came back from Italy it took me about 1 year and for certain things, you just don't change back. My advice is just to take your time, not to rush into things and expect the awkwardness to last for a while. Living abroad changes you forever, for the better, according to me, so you'll re-adapt, but will always be/feel/think a little different than everybody else. I hope that in the end, you'll like it. I surely do.
All the best of luck for the coming months! I'll keep in touch!!!
Rita
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